11 Items in the 10 Item Express Lane The current heat wave in the City has kept people out of their houses en mass to partake in late night outdoor activities they normally would skip. I pride myself with being a night-owl and having so many people out during my time of the "day" annoys me. Walking to the grocery store last night around 10:30 PM, many people on 24th Street were sitting on their stoops, drinking beers, smoking cigarettes and chatting up a storm of muddled buzzes. While that doesn't bother me per se, what does bother me is when three people sitting and chatting all stare as I walk by. It's as if I'm a tennis ball traveling from one side of the court to the other at a turtles pace. Their eyes tracking me, gagging where I'm going, keeping me at a distance safely away from them. I always want to jump at people who stare, if only to startle them and then run away laughing maniacally. At the market there were far too many people shopping. Normally there will be a few booze hounds needing their nightly fix of elixirs. But there were mom's and dad's totting babies, young couples galore and single me. I noticed the majority of the people were purchasing vast amounts ice cream causing an ice cream shortage. I made my way through the store picking up veggies and deli meats. I needed some toilet paper as well. I figured that I might as well buy some ice cream too because it might be my last chance ever! My favorite Ben & Jerry's was in stock, Oatmeal Cookie Dough which tastes like a pint sized It's-It. But I couldn't stop there, I wanted a 4 pack of Dove Bars as well. Scoring the last box available I went heading up to the check-outs smiling.Seems I decided to check-out at the same time everyone else had. Typical. Three lines were open, including the 10 Item or Less Express Lane. I quickly looked at the blue mesh plastic basket I was carrying and counted up my groceries. "One, two, three, turkey, ham, mushrooms, TP, B&J, Dove, frozen spinach ten and frozen spinach 11. I'm buying one too many things!" My eyes darted around the check-out area. I began to sweat. There were so many people in the other lines and I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to. "But is it fair," I thought to myself, "to stay in line with one extra item over the 10 item limit?" The need to exit the store was greater then the moral dilemma at hand so I placed my items inconspicuously up on the conveyor belt. The toilet paper made a nice barrier to hide my deli meats in front of. The mushroom bag obscured the extra frozen spinach box. I looked at the man behind me, holding his one bottle of wine. I thought of a way to distract him so he wouldn't mentally count up my groceries and nark me out. I bumped into the impulse buys sending a few packets of gum tumbling to the floor. I went to bend over as the cashier started ringing up my purchase. The wine guy smiled, "Don't worry about that. I'll pick them up." "Thank you!" My plan worked. He was too busy bent over picking up after me to count my 11 items. I pulled my ATM card out of my wallet and started swiping away on the console. I pushed in my PIN so quickly, not even fast-speed photography could have caught me. The cashier was a bit goofy and he was scattering my items all over the counter. I started to panic again. Anyone could count how many items I had with the spread being evenly distributed as it was! "Can I have plastic?" I asked thinking it would get the cashier to start bagging my groceries. Having been a cashier myself, I ultimately knew it wouldn't work. I stepped to the side of the lane and started bagging my own things. Wine guy was finished picking up the gum and I saw his head bopping up and down ever so slightly counting everything that lay on that vast counter top. With Las Vegas card dealer precision and quickness I raced to get items into the bags before he had the chance to get up to number seven, the box of delicious Dove Bars. The cashier meanwhile was ripping my receipt from the register. I snatched it and said, "Thanks" and hightailed it out the door with my booty.