Tuesday, November 30, 2004

[Real Life] Huffing FDS

OK-- nothing says "welcome back to San Francisco" like walking to work and seeing a homeless woman spraying an aerosol can into a bag and huffing it. Even better, the can was long and slender and pastel in color. She was huffing FDS! Feminine Deodorant Spray! "Delicate Breeze, light as a meadow breeze for all day freshness." Can that stuff even get you high? Honestly she should have just sprayed her whole body down with it. It would have really helped her.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

[Real Life] Happy T-day

Happy Thanksgiving-- though I'm hesitant to ever utter such things. In the spirit of the holiday, click HERE and enjoy!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

[Real Life] Anti-climatic

Last night, after leaving the pooches in dormitory bliss, I walked home to the Lower Haight only to see a large white truck pushing a MUNI bus. Yellow lights flashed, and the bus kept honking it's horn alerting other drivers it was going to run all the stop signs. Few drivers paid attention, and the bus almost crashed three times in 15 seconds. On the corner of Haight and Pierce there was yellow "DO NOT CROSS" tape blocking off the street. Four news vans were parked half on and off the sidewalks, their satellite dishes telescoping up into the nights sky. Instantly I thought someone had been murdered. Maybe even a whole family. My adrenaline started pumping as I walked towards one of the inspectors. "I live just over there-- can I get to my house?" "Umm, let me find you an--" "I'll escort him," this rather cheery inspector said walking towards us. "You'll need to enter on the sidewalk over there." "OK." I walked to the sidewalk and ducked under the tape. "Can I ask what happened?" "I'm not allowed to comment at this time." He said smiling. "Fair enough." He escorted me to my gate. Entering the house I asked my roommate if he knew what happened. He did not and he didn't seem very interested in what had happened. I went to my room and made a few phone calls but no one knew what had happened. I went to bed annoyed. Waking up this morning I went to the local news channel websites. NBC11.com was the only website carrying the story-- two police officers approached a parked car with two men in it. One suspect put the car in reverse hitting on of the police officers and dragging him several feet. The other officer opened fire shooting one of the suspects. Neither officer or suspect was seriously hurt. YAWN. How anti-climatic.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

[Real Life] Twitterpated

I may actually be feeling a little twitterpated. Is one even alowed to feel twitterpated as winter approaches? Scissor Sisters Jake Shears -- Brrrrrwow

Saturday, November 20, 2004

[AVFMC] Zen and the Art of Sidewalk Maintenance

Thursday, November 18, 2004

[AVFMC] Shopping Carts and Homeless Sleepers

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

[Fortune Cookie] "Your talents...

:) Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

[AVFMC] Keg Stand

[AVFMC] Be A Rebellious Slave

Monday, November 15, 2004

[Real Life] Do it Mommy, Do it!

Chon'trell (pronounced Sean-trail), age three, was fidgeting in his seat. I had walked into the payment center for PG&E on Mission Street. His mother announced to the never-ending line that she had been in physical therapy all morning. "I hain’t walked on it since August," she said pointing down at the soft cast encasing her leg. She turned and put her hand on Chon'trell's head. He fidgeted some more and she grabbed a fist full of 'fro and yanked his head back. "You want mommy to put a cap in yo ass?" Do it! Do it! Was all I could think. Un/Fortunately she didn't and they left.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

[AVFMC] Missing on Church Street

Saturday, November 13, 2004

[Real Life] Candy Land

A woman was contorting her body on a bench in front of the 16th and Mission BART Station. Her arms were spastic, jolting out as if they were trying to flee her body. Probably in her forties she was a user, a boozer and a looser. She probably stole a TV and did some time. I watched her talk with a black woman. Her face seemed half paralyzed. "Yeah, my seventeen year old is out on the streets too." It wasn't surprising. Up the street I headed to grab a slice of pizza for lunch. One of the clients from "Creativity Explored" was in the door of the pizza joint lighting up a cigarette. An overwhelming feeling of deja vu overcame me-- not surprisingly I had entered Deja Vu pizza restaurant. The site of someone lighting up indoors was bizarre. I've been in California too long. After getting my slice I walked back to work. The woman on the bench was gone. I rounded the corner of Capp Street to see her-- shirt half up, doing the addict dance, this time in front of men. She placed on arm behind her head and bobbed up and down-- trying to be sexy but obviously she had lost control of her extremities. And the men cooed and gave her attention. All I could do was laugh-- and laugh I did.

Friday, November 12, 2004

[AVFMC] I Found Osama!

Now to call and collect my reward.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

[Real Life] Shag Memories

Growing up, in my family's living room, the space between the coffee table and the sliding glass doors was usually reserved as a dumping place for laundry. The laundry would pile up into hills and then create mountains before anyone would even attempt folding the clothes. A love seat sat lonely in the corner. Under its cushion you would find individual socks that had lost their mates during the laundering process. I always felt sad for those socks-- starting out on a journey with their pal and ending up smooshed and forgotten underneath a cushion. But when the space was clear of laundry, I would lie on the floor, on my side and start running around in circles. I may have started out twirling standing up-- getting a legal kiddy high. Possibly after tumbling over one too many times, I devised a plan to run while lying down. In those days my parents had wall-to-wall red, brown and green shag carpeting. My mother like it if only because it didn't show dirt. That meant infrequent vacuuming. If you hit the carpet when the light streamed into the room, plumes of dust would rise in the air. I was told once these were dead fairies-- probably by my sister. Our living room was the place where all fairies came to die. While on the ground running in circles, the shag would heat up spots on my arm that would eventually turn to blisters. But it didn't matter because running was something I enjoyed-- if only in circles in the living room. Get me outside and I would sit under a tree and read a book.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

[AVFMC] Eat Pussy, Not Cow

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

[Overheard] Fleet-fully Clean

Dr's office: "You'll need to be fleet clean." Guy: "What?" Dr's office: "Fleet enema clean." Guy: "So like 'fisting' clean?" Dr's office: "Well we don't need eat out of it."

Monday, November 08, 2004

[AVFMC] Iron Building

Sunday, November 07, 2004

[Real Life] Marry a Canadian

Worried about the U.S. election outcome? Want to save a progressive American from another Bush administration? It’s easy – Marry an American! Go to http://www.marryanamerican.ca/ to do your part! It's worth a try! Then again, I "blame Canada!"

Friday, November 05, 2004

[Real Life] PaperCity Magazine and Tom

The stalker (albeit lazy stalker) in me was happy this morning as I exited the Wal-Greens on Market St to see Tom Ford's sexy face on the cover of PaperCity Magazine. I had never even seen this monthly before so I snatched a copy. (Of course I had to look both ways before picking up that copy.) The cover photo is by Matthew Rolston, and it's great. They say it was taken especially for the magazine but it looks just like the ones from his GQ interview. Anyhoot-- I'm going to purloin more copies and make Christmas ornaments out of 'em.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

[AVFMC] Secession

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

[AVFMC] The Day After: Beat Bush

This was outside my front door as I exited for work. I like many in the SF Bay Area were dissapointed with the results from the election, but I still woke up feeling really good. Why? So many Americans are politically mined right now and I hope they continue to be so. I happened upon Margaret Cho's blog and it has some good points. Read the 11/3/04 "Don't Despair, Act" entry: http://margaretcho.net/blog/dontdespairact.htm

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

[AVFMC] No War

[AVFMC] Typcial San Franciscian

Typical San Franciscan; note the tapestry yoga sticky mat shoulder bag. Like a typical San Franciscan she somehow has been implanted with an anti-passing device that automatically tracks the person behind her and does not allow them to pass. I tried for more than two blocks by was sadly defeated each time.