Overheardinmyhead
I'm going to use typepad for a month to see if I like it more. So in the meantime check me out there. www.overheardinmyhead.com
The Latest Chapter:
The Biomythograpy, Misadventures and Other Sh*t of San Francisco’s Literary Outsider Eiríkur.
He's more awesome than you are!
Copyright © 2004-2005 All Rights Reserved, Word.
I'm going to use typepad for a month to see if I like it more. So in the meantime check me out there. www.overheardinmyhead.com
Ugh, today has not been the happiest of days. But Trickybrit has added a bit of levity to my situation.
There was some urine found on the toilet at my apartment. Yes, urine on the toilet! Couldn't you just die! And there was hair in the sink. I just can't imagine who could have done that. Heinous crimes! Heinous crimes! While trying to find the culprit, I received this email:
Hey Guys.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been sneaking in your apartment when you’re not there – single white female style – and using your bathroom. I thought you wouldn’t mind but apparently you do, and I apologize.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “You’re a girl. How do you get so much urine everywhere?” Well, first of all, I’m a croucher (don’t like cheek-to-porcelain contact) and second of all, there are two things in the world that make me wish I was a man, and one of them is peeing standing up – so I like to practice (obviously I need to practice more!).
So, now that we’ve all been honest and open I will totally respect your property and wipe up after myself. I will also be sure to rinse my pubes from the sink after shaving my hoo-hoo-dilly.* By they way, hoo-hoo-dilly is my cute little synonym for vagina. Though gay, I’m sure you all know what a vagina is, even if the last one you saw was your mom’s when you were coming out of it.
Okay well, let me know if you have any other problems. Now that I’ve “come out” as the secret bathroom user, maybe now it’s cool if I keep a small stash of tampons under the sink?
Out at lunch I'm walking on Capp Street. Up ahead are three people sitting. One got up and stands in my way. "Hey man you got any change?" barks the man. I pop back "nope." "I can hear it rattling in your pockets." I jingle my jacket pocket, "What you hear are housekeys. But you don't know that sound because you're homeless." Stunned, they just look at me while I pass.
Overheard outside of Duggan's Funeral Home on 17th Street Latina Woman: The mortician made her look like a whore. Latino Man: Yeah he did. She looked beautiful.
Picture it: I rush out of work and I'm angry. No good reason, just angry. I round the corner on to
Woman #1: Fuckin' just pick her up some beer!
Woman #2: Fuck no!
Woman #1: Pick her up some beer.
Woman #2: Fuck you!
I get to the corner and Woman #2 shows up next to me, ranting. Ever other word out of her mouth is fuck. I love it. I start to giggle like a little kid who has just gotten presents.
Woman #2: I'm sorry I'm bitching right by you.
Me: No worries.
Woman #2: It's just my grandma is 89 years old and I don't want to buy her fucking beer. I mean, she lets her grandkids smoke pot up in her house. Why can't she go smoke with them instead of being an alcoholic?
Me: (thinking WTF) Gee, I don't know, ummm but good luck with that.
Woman #2: Thanks.
Here I go again, another insomniac post. I'm listening to Guns 'n' Roses' "Patience", the mockingbird outside my window is even drowning out Axel. Little bugger, I hope his singing doesn't last until the Fall. Yesterday I took more sidewalk graffiti pictures in one day than I normally do. A few were latent images on the sidewalk that don't show up unless it rains. One more reason for me to cheer the downpours. My favorite type of graffiti, when the artist embellishes what's already on the sidewalk. This is reflective crosswalk paint and what Trickybrit's coworker would call "Sharpie."